Posts Tagged "Failure to bond with a baby"

My journey with The Three Day Nanny

Posted by on Nov 16, 2015 in babble, Maternity Consultant | 0 comments

I recently had the privilege of working with Kathryn Mewes, The Three Day Nanny.  I have known Kathryn for a number of years both professionally and as a friend, so I was delighted when she announced earlier this year that she was expecting a baby and flattered when, early on in the pregnancy, she asked me to help her settle into her new role as a mum and guide her through those first bumpy weeks. I have to say, it was a little daunting for me.  Kathryn is well known for her Three Day Nanny Book and TV series on Channel 4, one series which has just finished its run and an earlier one aired some two years ago.  I wondered whether working with someone who is a personal friend would be a wise thing on which to embark! Whilst I am very confident in what I do and have vast experience of working with tinies in and around London, I wondered how it was going to pan out – telling the Three Day Nanny what to do and trying to get her to let go of the control for a few weeks , whilst helping her get to grips with the unpredictable and completely “out of control” feeling that a new baby hurls at many new parents. Kathryn, very sensibly, had decided to have her own lovely mum move in with her immediately after the birth.  I always feel that this is a very special time for mother and daughter to spend together; precious moments that never come around again.  A time too short but definitely a period where many new mothers feel slightly shell shocked, often sore and exhausted and certainly not wanting their home frequented by well meaning friends, eager to meet the new arrival.  It is a transitional stage where a new mum is catapulted into her role with no training, no experience and not knowing what to expect.  At least having her own mum by her side, Kathryn was able to recover, rest and allow herself to be cared for  during her recovery from, what turned out to be, a very difficult and prolonged birth experience. I joined Kathryn at her home after a couple of weeks and met my new charge.  Little Harriet – a twinkly eyed, petite and gorgeous little girl peeped out from her cot to greet me. Kathryn was interviewed by The Sun, in the early weeks, for another published article and also twice on Breakfast TV – once just before Harriet was born and again with Harriet as the star of the show.  On both occasions, Kathryn was very open and honest about her experiences.  This is often not the case and many mums feel they must gloss over their birthing experience or their first few weeks as a parent.  If their birthing experience was bad, if they did not bond immediately with their new baby, if they felt breast feeding should be as easy as falling off a log , they frequently feel huge waves of guilt, immense pressure to “succeed” in everything they do and this can lead to a loss of confidence, self doubt and feelings of failing their babies. In my role, I am not there just to help mothers implement routines, teach good sleep habits or take over with a new babe, but to boost that confidence, get them back on the log and then coax, cajole, giggle, reassure and coach that mum through the maze of conflicting advice, the exhaustion, the sleep deprivation, the loss of control and, once she is able to...

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